How we choose marriage partners: theories and reality

There are several theories that attempt to explain the principle by which we choose marriage partners.One such theory is the idea that this process is similar to a trade transaction where social values such as background, economic status, and education play a role in the exchange between individuals (Melville K., 1977).

Proponents of homogamy theory argue that couples who have similar "social values" are more successful and happier in marriage. this principle means that we tend to choose partners from our social circle, among people who are similar to us socially.

Complementary needs theory states that although social criteria may play a role, opposites attract in relationships. for example, a bossy person may be attracted to a meek partner, and a calm man may like an energetic woman.

Senters' instrumental theory of marital matching focuses on need fulfillment, with some needs considered more important than others, and these may differ between men and women.

Adams' research on student couples shows that initial attraction is often based on appearance and common interests, but over time mutual commitment and intimacy are formed, which influences the decision to marry.

The "stimulus-value-role" theory from B. Merstein views marital choice as sequential stages including stimulus (attractiveness of the partner), value (similarity of views), and role (conformity of role behavior).

The "circular theory of love" considers four stages: establishment of relationship, self-disclosure, formation of mutual dependence, and realization of basic needs of the individual.

All these theories emphasize the importance of socio-cultural homogamy and consider the mechanism of partner selection as a system of filters that gradually narrow down the circle of possible candidates for marriage.